ARRIVAL: THE CONCRETE JUNGLE
I packed my rucksack for an adventure. I brought my Itemfinder, my Bicycle, and a fresh pair of Running Shoes. I landed in the region known as Pokemon World Stadium and found... a room. Just a room with a PC and a nurse who smiles too much.
There is no tall grass here. There is no Route 1. There is only a glowing terminal demanding I select my team from a database that goes up to "Generation 8". Back in my day, we had 151 Pokemon, and we had to catch 'em all by throwing rocks at them in the Safari Zone! Here, they hand them to you on a silver platter. Where is the struggle? Where is the character building?
THE ANOMALIES: PHONES ARE FOR CALLING OAK
I approached the terminal to pick a team. I was looking for a solid Nidoking. Instead, I saw a "Roto-phone" listed as a combatant. A telephone? Fighting? Too many modern features ruined the vibe. I want to battle monsters, not household appliances!
And don't get me started on this "G-MAX" phenomenon. The locals tell me it's a permanent evolution now. I saw a Charizard that looked like it was on fire in all the wrong places. What is a 'Mega' evolution? Sounds broken. And this G-MAX business is even worse. It looks like something from that Digimon show my grandson watches.
COMBAT REPORT: BRUTAL EFFICIENCY
I will admit, once the fighting starts, the adrenaline kicks in. I took a team of Kanto veterans—Tauros, Snorlax, and Lapras—into the arena. The opponents here are famous faces from all over. I didn't recognize half of them. Who is "Paul"? Why is he so angry? He needs a glass of MooMoo Milk.
The battles use rules from "Generation 7". I don't know what happened to Generations 4 through 6, and I don't want to know. The physical/special split is in full effect, which is the only modern convenience I tolerate besides the Running Shoes. The difficulty is high. These aren't your Bug Catchers with Level 4 Caterpies. These are tactical assaults.
NOTE: If you see a Pokemon that looks like a washing machine (Rotom), hit it with a rock. It’s the only way to be sure.
THE VERDICT
This isn't a world; it's a simulator. There is no exploration, no hidden items behind cuttable trees, and no soothing chiptune of a seaside town. It is purely for those who want to smash toys together without the joy of finding them first. I miss the simplicity of the Indigo Plateau. I was hoping for no gimmicks, just good Pokemon, but instead, I got a tactical spreadsheet with graphics.
