LOG ENTRY: 0800 HOURS - PALLET TOWN
I dusted off my GameBoy Advance SP for this one. The briefing promised a return to Kanto, a region I know like the back of my arthritis-ridden hand. They call it Gentlemon Classy Red. A fancy name. I put on my best smoking jacket, expecting a refined, Vanilla+ experience. I wanted to see the old neighborhood with a fresh coat of paint.
First things first: I stepped into my house and—bless my aching knees—I could run. Right there in the living room. Feels just like 1999 (but faster). I didn't have to wait for some bloke in Pewter City to give me special shoes. This is the kind of innovation I can get behind. If the whole expedition had stayed this grounded, I would have been a happy man.
LOG ENTRY: 1030 HOURS - ROUTE 1 ANOMALIES
I stepped into the tall grass, expecting a Pidgey or a Rattata. You know, honest, hard-working Pokemon. Instead, I was assaulted by creatures that looked like they escaped from a sci-fi convention. The intel says these are "Gen 7" specimens. I don't care what generation they are; they look like Digimon. Too many modern features ruined the vibe.
I saw a creature called a "Zekrom" listed in the regional manifest. A legendary dragon? In Kanto? Back in my day, we had Mewtwo, he lived in a cave, and he didn't bother anyone unless you threw a Master Ball at his face. Now we have electric turbines attached to lizards running amok. It’s chaotic. It lacks the discipline of the Indigo League.
LOG ENTRY: 1400 HOURS - THE "F8" INCIDENT
The locals kept babbling about a "Quick Save" technology accessible via the "F8" key. I looked down at my GameBoy. I see an A button. I see a B button. I see a D-Pad. I do not see an F8 key. These young explorers with their emulators and their speed-up toggles have forgotten the weight of plastic in their hands. On real hardware, this "feature" is just gibberish code.
NOTE: If you are operating on a standard-issue GBA, ignore the local ramblings about keyboard shortcuts. They are hallucinations induced by too much screen time.
LOG ENTRY: 1800 HOURS - VISUALS AND SOUND
I will admit, the region has been redecorated. The maps have been updated, and the trainer sprites have a certain... "gentlemanly" flair, as promised. The sprite work is faithful to Gen 3 style, mostly. It doesn't clash too horribly with the nostalgia, until you hear the new soundtracks. They try to be modern, but I miss the simple bleeps and bloops of the 8-bit era. It's a bit too busy for my ears.
MISSION DEBRIEF
I cut the expedition short. While I appreciate the ability to sprint through the living room, this region is confused. It wants to be Kanto, but it's cluttered with aliens from Alola and dragons from Unova. It's still in a "Beta" state, which explains the mess. I'm going back to my copy of Pokemon Yellow. I need to yell at a Pikachu to feel normal again.
